Automatic

I use the words, "sliding doors" quite often and quite loosely. Until now, I have never fully explained this term, even to my friends. I guess it is because I like my little secret world, my secret phrase, and in the past I have enjoyed using it while muttering under my breath. I will now attempt to explain to the best of my ability. Think of me as a book. Now open me.

I saw the Gwenyth Paltrow movie, Sliding Doors, a hundred years ago. I really didn't think twice about it...probably because the decisions I made back then were sadly irrelevant...where to go for Spring Break, whether or not to tell my father about the teensy little fender bender in the HEB parking lot, which color swimsuit to buy...(oh hell, I'll take one of each). I guess what I'm saying is there really were no explosive consequences for any of the choices I faced. But I guess that comes with the territory of being 17.

In the movie, it shows how different her life would be in two different outcomes all based on if she made the train, or missed the train. I adapted it a bit. To me, sliding doors is used when I think about how crazy different my life would be if I would have made one small decision different at a time in my life.

For example, remember the time I jumped ship my first freshman semester and came back to town for a crazy douche bag that will be left nameless? Sliding doors. One decision....and bam, here I am still in school all these years later, paying my own way. Oh and by the way, that same decision left a relationship with one of my parents completely demolished. Who knows what would have happened if I had stayed? I am thankful, nonetheless.

EVERY breakup....sliding doors. Each and every one of them could have had possibilites.

Friendships, letting go my pride. Sliding doors.

Where the hell would I be now? Australia? Still here in this town? Living a nightmare in east Texas with the same douche bag?

I am a complete "what if" type person...I hate that I am, but I am. I always have been, and can't help it. Consider me John Mayer's female counterpart. Maybe I should get into the lyrics writing business. People would love my negativity.

I'm almost positive people will look down on me for this "what if" quality...but the truth of the matter is, I'm saying what you're thinking.