Contraception

I got into two fights on Sunday.
Both with children under 10.

Both at a well known restaurant that I will not publicly name.

Child #1: As I walked up to get a refill of sweet tea, I see a thin string flying across the walkway in a motion much like that of a yo-yo. But this was not a yo-yo. Oh no. It was the most repulsive item that you can think of. It was a sticky hand. You know you remember them. Neon bright colors, disgusting, long, sticky hand that sticks to everything. My little brother thrived on annoying me with these things (along with lizards and rubber band guns that my mom bought at craft shows...but that's a whole other blog)...he would throw them at me and they'd get stuck in my hair or whatever. Disgusting. They pick up every piece of dirt and grime in a 25 foot radius. I want to make it very clear that I never played with things like this. Never sticky hands, never anything that made a mess, never Creepy Crawlers or anything like that.

I believed in two things: baby dolls and Barbies.

So the child that was responsible for the throwing of the sticky hand IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WALKWAY was a girl. This immediately made me dislike her. But the fact that myself and the woman behind me couldn't get past her without getting bitch slapped in the face by a bacteria covered gummy whip made me dislike her even more. She didn't even see us. She had no idea that we were dodging her weapon so rapidly that it appeared we were playing a sloppy version of Dance Dance Revolution. The brave woman behind me took her hoodie, covered her head, and made a run for it while muttering "she's gonna hit me...she's gonna hit me...". I couldn't take it. I shouted the 15 feet to her mother who was oblivious to the attack "HELLOOOO...EXCUSE ME...IS THIS YOUR KID??...SHE'S HITTING US WITH HER STICKY HAND!!!!!". I was so pissed. Since when is this behavior acceptable? I don't blame the kid. I blame her parents. On second thought, I can't even discuss this any further. I just won't be traveling that far down Bandera anymore.

Child #2: We'll make this short and sweet in order to not conjure up any sore memories in my tired head. Before we left, we had to try our hand at Stacker. Those of you who don't know Stacker, he is the machine that is responsible for stealing 10% of our monthly income. He just looks sooo beat-able. One day I will win that ipod nano....after spending $856 dollars in failed attempts. So halfway through my second unsuccessful game....the child who has had her nose pressed up against the glass of MY stacker starts PUSHING A BUTTON!!! Whatt?? WHAT? She honestly pushed the "Select Your Prize" button WHILE I was playing. I look at it as her grabbing my wallet from my over sized bag and taking a dollar out. I was in shock of course. I said, "Hey!! NO NO!" She ran out to her mother and told on me. tattle tail. We decided it was time to leave.